


Here, Hold My Beer and Other Stories of Friendship and Shenanigans

by kaffee32



Category: Ant-Man (2015), Ant-Man (Movies), Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avenging Dads, Beer, Civil War (Marvel), Clint Barton's Bow & Arrows, Daddy Clint, Disney Sing-a-longs, Drunken Shenanigans, Friendship, My Little Pony Cartoon, Riding on Arrows, daddy scott
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6217321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaffee32/pseuds/kaffee32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This started out as a one shot and has blossomed into two completely unrelated stories.  I figured that sticking them together made more sense than separating them.   </p><p>I'd like to say that it will end here, but apparently my mind won't stop thinking about the stuff that Clint and Scott probably do when they aren't Avenging.  Every time I see them in clips from Civil War, it just makes me think of something else.  </p><p>Anyway, there may only be two entries unless another clip comes out or I get inspired seeing the movies, and they are both quite silly, but there ya go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very short little story that I wrote after seeing the Captain America: Civil War trailer today. I got so excited about Ant-Man flying on one of Hawkeye's arrows that I started to imagine how that came about. The comics are different, so this is how I imagined that it happened in the MCU.
> 
> It's possible.........

Clint sat outside of the room where Steve was holed up with Bucky Barnes and rested his head in his hands.  How in the hell had everything gone this far?  Less than a year ago, they were fighting Ultron together as a team.  They were the Avengers, Earths Mightiest Heroes.  Now that team was fractured in two, and he wasn’t sure that they would ever be able to put the pieces back together.

Tony probably thought that he was doing what was best.  On some level, Clint knew that.  He just couldn’t agree with him that the government should have so much control over them.  They went that route once before, and the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. proved just how corruptible the government could be.  He knew better than anyone what it was like to be controlled, and he’d be damned if he ever let that happen again.

Maybe Laura was right.  Maybe he should have sat this one out, but she knew as well as he did that he didn’t have a choice.  This was about protecting his family and the people he cared about, even if some of those very people were standing on the other side of the line that Tony and Steve had drawn in the sand.

Natasha.  Even though most of her secrets were made public when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, he was surprised as hell when she took Tony’s side.  She obviously knew the importance of a secret identity, even if she, herself, no longer had one.  She’d removed all information that she could about him before she released all those S.H.I.E.L.D/HYDRA documents onto the internet, to keep him and his family safe.  

Clint knew that Nat’s motivation had more to do with the man whose metal arm was currently trapped in a vice in the room next door, but she wasn’t ready to share that information with him.  Whatever her reasoning though, if it came to a fight, he would do whatever he could to keep her safe, even if that meant fighting her himself.  He’d get his ass kicked, but it would be worth it.

Reaching into the cooler that Sam brought earlier, he grabbed a beer and opened it before offering it to Wanda, who was sitting against the wall, lost in her own thoughts.  “We’re probably going to be here a while.  Might as well relax a little.  You want one?”

“Thank you, I suppose one won’t hurt,” she replied in her strong European accent.  She took the bottle from him, and he grabbed another for himself.  “I have enjoyed all of the pictures that you’ve sent of little Nate.  He is getting so big.  It makes me happy that my brother is being remembered.”

“If your brother hadn’t done what he did, my son wouldn’t have a father.  It’s the least he deserves.”

“You are kind.”  She paused a moment and considered her next words.  “Speaking of sacrifice, you do know that Captain Rogers will protect his friend at all costs?”

Clint nodded and took a long sip of his beer.  “Yeah, and I’ve made it clear to him and Barnes that if it comes to the safety of any of us, I won’t be as concerned with Barnes as he is.”

“He’s scared, Barnes is.  I’ve seen inside his mind.  Steve is fighting for his old friend, but I do not think that he is in there.  That man is something new.  Not James Barnes and not the Winter Soldier.”

“That’s what worries me.”  Clint sat his bottle down, picked up his bow and nocked an arrow, letting it fly toward the wooden pallet that he’d been using for target practice. 

When the door to the warehouse rattled and opened, he turned quickly, another arrow set up and ready to go. 

“It’s just me, Barton.  Relax, man.  I brought pizza.”  Sam Wilson held up the boxes in his hands in surrender.  Clint lowered his bow and picked his beer back up, eyeing the man following behind Sam curiously.

“Oh wow!  You’re Hawkeye, aren’t you?  The Avenger that may or may not exist?  That’s you isn’t it?  I mean you really exist.  You’ve got the bow and everything,” the man rambled excitedly.  He held out his hand.  “Nice to meet you.  Don’t worry.  Your secret is safe with me.”

Clint raised an eyebrow at the man, but shook his hand.  “Hey.  You can just call me Clint.”

“This is Scott.  He’s here to help with our little problem in the other room.  Scott?  You just met Clint, and this is Wanda.”  Scott and Wanda exchanged greetings.

“Okay.  Well, before I babble on and embarrass myself even further, where is the 90-something year old super soldier?”

Sam sat one of the pizza boxes down and ushered Scott into the next room.  Clint rumbled with laughter when he heard Scott’s obvious fawning over Steve. 

He finished his beer and took a few more practice shots before digging into the pizza with Wanda.

**********

A while later, Scott and Sam were back in the room with them, drinking beer and eating pizza.  Whatever Scott did to Bucky’s arm appeared to be successful, but Barnes wasn’t leaving that room, and Steve wasn’t leaving without him.  Clint didn’t think that Scott had stopped talking since he sat down.  

“So Sam tells me that you have kids, Clint.  How many?”

“Three.  Conner, Lila and little Nate.  You got kids?”

“I have a daughter.  Her name is Cassie.”

“Did your wife tell you to sit this out too?”

“No wife, just a daughter.  Her mom is married to someone else,” he shrugged.  “I get to see her pretty much whenever I want to, though, so that’s good at least.”

“Well I guess it’s good that it’s not awkward.”

“Oh it’s plenty awkward, but not in front of Cassie.”

“So how do you two know each other?” Clint looked between Scott and Sam curiously.

“Well, I had to steal something from the Avenger’s facility, and my buddy Sam tried to stop me.  It didn’t go so well for him.”

“Come on, man!”  Sam gave Scott a traitorous look.  “I thought we agreed to never speak about that!”

“What?  That was one of my greatest moments.  First time I took on an Avenger, and I won.  I have to tell people!”

Clint reached into the cooler and passed out another round of beers.  “No offense, but how did this guy beat you, Sam?”

Sam looked at Scott knowingly.  “He’s got some tricks working for him.  Caught me off guard.”

“Okay, well if he’s going to hang around, I think he needs to share.  Let’s see what you can do, man.”

Scott looked from Sam to Clint.  “Really?  You want me to show you?  This is so cool!”  He stood up, grabbed his bag and practically ran into the bathroom.

Both Wanda and Clint looked at Sam expectantly.  “What’s he going to do?” 

“You’ll see.  I don’t even know how to describe it.  It’s odd,” Sam responded with a grin.

Scott returned after a few minutes and both Clint and Wanda couldn’t help but laugh at the red and black suit that he wore.  “Okay, okay.  So you are sort of like Iron Man with less metal,” Clint said when he caught his breath.

“But his mask!  He looks like a bug!”  Wanda giggled.

Scott just grinned and pushed his mask over his face.  Suddenly, he disappeared.

“What the hell?” Clint exclaimed looking around the room.  “Where did he go?  Is he invisible?”

“Down here!”  They heard a voice call from the ground, causing both of them to look down.  There was a miniaturized version of Scott, barely visible on the ground.  He waved before popping back up to normal size.  “I’m Ant-Man!”

“Ant-Man?  Are you joking?”  Clint was holding his sides because he was laughing so hard.  “You sold on that name?”

“Well, it kind of came with the suit, so yeah.”

“Sam?”  Wanda grinned at him.  “How did someone that tiny beat you?”

Sam just shook his head.  “You wanna see what he can do?  Stand up, Barton.”

“Yeah, okay.  Why not?  Go on and do your thing, Ant-Man,” he laughed.  

It happened in seconds.  Scott shrank down and the next thing he knew, Clint was being flipped over and found himself flat on his back looking up at both Scott and Sam grinning above him.

“Oh man, I’m so sorry.  I hope I didn’t hurt you!”  Scott offered his hand to help him up.

“Naah, I’m okay,” Clint responded, rubbing his back as he stood with Scott’s help.  “That’s pretty impressive.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty strong when I’m small.  That’s not all either.  I can get ants to work with me, which may not seem very helpful, but trust me, it is.”

They all went back to their food and drinks while swapping stories about their heroic deeds.  As the night wore on, and the beer disappeared from the cooler, they got louder and more animated but still never heard a sound from Steve or Barnes in the other room.  Clint demonstrated his ability with his bow, even in his drunken state, and Wanda made a small show of her own power.  Only Sam declined, commenting that he never drank and flew because it was irresponsible.

“So are you gonna fight with us, Lang?”  Sam slurred his words as he looked at their new friend enquiringly.

“Yeah, of course.  You guys are great, Captain freaking America is in the other room and Hank isn’t really a huge fan of Tony Stark.”

Clint grinned and leaned over toward Scott.  “Why an ant, man?  Woah!  See what I did there?  Ant, man……Ant-Man.  That was cool.  No, but really.  Why not a spider or a cockroach, or something that can fly like a…….fly?”

“Probably because Fly-Man sounds really stupid, Clint,” Wanda managed to say.  

“I can’t fly anyway,” Scott sighed, regrettably.

There was a long pause before Clint grinned mischievously at Scott. “……but what if you could?”  

“Oh, no.  What are you thinking, Barton?”  Sam shook his head at the excited look on Clint’s face.

“Well, you are pretty good at the jumping and rolling thing, right?”  He jumped to his feet.  “Really, all you need is a little help with the flying part.”

“I’m intrigued, Hawkeye.  Please continue.”  Scott stood up with him, pulled his mask back on and shrank, climbing quickly up to Clint’s shoulder.

Clint grabbed his bow and quiver.  He found the right tip for his arrow and grinned.  “Sam?  Here, hold my beer.  I wanna try something.  This is going to be awesome.”

He placed the arrow and pulled back the bow.  Scott, getting the idea, climbed onto the tip of the arrow.  When he was ready, Clint let the arrow fly across the room.  Scott just managed to fly off of it and on to the pallet right before the arrow penetrated the wood.  He grew big again and fell to the ground laughing.  

“That was the most amazing thing, EVER!”  Scott trotted back to Clint.  “Let’s do it again!”

…….And thus the friendship of Hawkeye and Ant-Man began and their trick move of Scott catching a ride on one of Clint’s arrows was born.  It would give Tony Stark and his team much trouble in the coming days, but prove to be very successful against real bad guys with the Avengers, once this Civil War was behind them.


	2. Friendship is Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again I was inspired by Scott Lang and Clint Barton from the newest Captain America: Civil War footage. This is how I imagine that their road trip went.
> 
> I’m super excited because I got it down to 1,003 words. That is a personal record for me. Anyway, this is totally silly, but there ya go.

Scott Lang had been thrilled when non-other than Clint Barton, AKA Hawkeye, an actual Avenger, showed up to pick him up.  When he got the call from Sam, he was ready to go, but when he heard that he’d be meeting Captain America?  Well that was just the icing on the cake.  Now he found himself as the passenger of a nondescript white panel van rolling down the highway.  He didn’t know what would happen next, but given the growling of his stomach, he hoped it involved food.

“Any chance you are hungry?  I’m starving.  I don’t suppose a stop for lunch is on the schedule anytime soon?”  

“Cap is expecting us,” Clint shrugged, “but I could eat.  Looks like there’s a McDonald’s at the next exit.  We can get it to go.  Sound good?”

Scott nodded.  “Yeah, that sounds perfect.  Can we go in to order, though?  I could stand to use the restroom.”

A short time later, Clint was in line while Scott disappeared into the bathroom.  When it was his turn, he leaned in and lowered his voice toward the teenage girl behind the counter.

“Hi there. What are your Happy Meal toys?”  

“We have Transformers and My Little Pony.  How can I help you?”  

He looked around, relieved that Scott hadn’t returned yet.  “I’d like to order two Happy Meals, but can you just put them in a regular bag? I won’t need the little boxes.  I just want to make sure I get the toys.”  

The girl sniggered under her breath.  “Will this be for a boy or a girl?”

“Girl.  I need the Pony toys, not the Transformers.”  Clint shuffled awkwardly as the grinning girl rang up his order.  “It’s for my daughter.  She wants to collect them all.  Actually, that’s a good point.  Can you try not to give me one of those purple ones?  Twilight Sparkle, I think her name is?  You know, the one with the crown?  She has like three of those.”

The girl gave him an understanding nod.  “Would you like me to combine your drinks into one bigger cup as well, Sir?”  

“That would be perfect. Thank you.”  He paid her and as he waited for his order, Scott returned and got in line.  

“Hey man, I’ll meet you out in the car,” he motioned to Scott before grabbing his bag and heading toward the door.

Clint was on his second cheeseburger when Scott finally made it out to the van with a Happy Meal box in each hand.  “What?” he grumbled defensively.  Can’t a grown man enjoy a tiny cheeseburger and fries?  There are apples.  Apples are healthy.”

“How old?”  Clint chuckled as he held up his own tiny burger.

A look of realization spread over Scott’s face.  “She’s seven. Her name is Cassie.  You?”

“Lila, and she’s five. I also have two boys.  Cooper and Nathaniel.  Nate’s not even a year old yet and Cooper claims he’s too big for Happy Meals now.  Lila loves those little pony toys, though.”

“Same with Cassie. Which ones did you get?”

Clint glanced into his bag. “Looks like I got Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.  You?”

“Rainbow Dash and Starlight Glimmer.  Bummer. I think Cassie has Starlight Glitter. Wish I’d gotten Fluttershy instead,” Scott shrugged.

Clint pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture that Lila sent him showing the toys that she already had. “Looks like Lila already has Fluttershy. Wanna trade for Starlight Glimmer?”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Scott responded, possibly a little more eager than he meant to.  “I mean, not that I know much about these things.” Scott attempted his most manly expression.    

“Well, yeah.  Of course not,” Clint agreed.

I’m just glad that they didn’t give me Twilight Sparkle.  Cass has like four of those!”

“Lila has a few too.  She’s a cute one though.  When she and Spike moved to the Golden Oak Library in Ponyville to study the magic of friendship?  That was sweet.”

“I know, right?  Then she finally got her own castle and gained the well-deserved title of Princess of Friendship!  I thought Spike should have manned up and asked her out or something at the end, though, didn’t you?”

Both men seemed to realize what they were doing and the silence in the van was suddenly deafening. Clint started the car and made his way back out on to the main road.  

“So yeah, anyway,” Scott cleared his throat loudly.  “How about some good manly adult music?”

Before Clint could stop him, he started up the CD player in the van and _For the First Time in Forever_ from Frozen started blaring from the speakers.  Clint just focused on the road, trying not to imagine the look on Scott’s face.   Before he left home, Cooper helped Lila make him a special CD of songs to listen to for the journey so that he wouldn’t be lonely.

“This is my jam,” Scott exclaimed.  “Wait…..do you prefer to sing the Anna part or the Elsa part?”

Clint couldn’t help laughing.  “Anna. Lila insists that SHE is the only one who gets to be Queen, unless her mom is around, of course.”

“Oh great.  Cassie identifies with the adorkableness of Anna, so I’ll do the Elsa part.”  He started the song over and they began to belt out their parts before having an old fashioned car sing-along to the other Disney hits from the CD that Lila made for Clint.

In that moment, a friendship was forged based on the mutual understanding that when your child asks you to watch My Little Pony or sing Disney songs with them, you do it.  They also recognized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with grown men stopping at almost every McDonald’s along their route to check out the Pony selection, even if they would never breathe a word of it to the rest of the team.  

If they had to eat little tiny cheeseburgers for days, their girls were completing those collections.


	3. Aren’t You a Little Short to be a Sasquatch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuing saga of the bromance of Clint Barton and Scott Lang, Avenging Dads. They decide to take their girls for a couple nights of camping, and it doesn’t quite go as they planned. Meanwhile, back at Avengers Tower, the ladies get up to their own shenanigans. 
> 
> For this story, I am pretending that at the end of Civil War, everyone became friends again and life went on as it always had, with a few more Avengers lying around. Also, Wanda and Vision are not officially a couple yet. We get a visit from everyone’s favorite space flying raccoon, as well as a mention of the small European nation of Genovia, because even though it isn’t in the MCU, any country ruled by Julie Andrews is worth being real in EVERY Fandom.

_This escalated quickly_ , Clint Barton thought to himself as he perched quietly on the branch of a large tree. He scanned the wooded area in front of him carefully looking for any sign of his enemy.  He was still out there, lurking behind the thick undergrowth, patiently waiting for his moment to strike.  Too bad for him, Clint was patient too.  

He fingered the string of his bow as he continued to survey the area.  It had all seemed so harmless at first.  Cooper was spending two weeks in Massachusetts at his first sleep away summer camp.  It was a proper camp with cabins, fire pits, outdoor activities and a giant lake for boating, fishing and swimming.  It was the kind of camp that every kid dreamed of, and Cooper was beside himself when Clint and Laura agreed to let him go.

Clint didn’t mention to Cooper that he and Nat broke into the camp before anyone arrived for the season to check it out, or that Tony had Friday run extensive background checks on every employee that worked there.  Cooper understood why Clint was extra concerned for his family’s safety, but he didn’t need to know the extent of his dad’s paranoia.  

When the day came to drop him off, Clint tried his best not to let his nerves show, even pointing out the archery range near the boathouse and suggesting that Cooper could get the attention of some of the cute little girls who were also being dropped off at camp by showing off his skills there.  Of course, Cooper just looked at him like he had two heads and ran off to meet his cabin mates while Laura rolled her eyes at her husband.

“Hey, it worked on you,” Clint suggested with a wink.

“Uh huh.  You keep telling yourself that, Clinton,” she teased.

Since Cooper was going to be gone, and the rest of the family was spending the two weeks in Clint’s apartment in Stark Tower, Clint decided that it would be a good time to take Lila on her first camping trip.  The Avengers weren’t actively avenging at the moment, and Lila was newly seven years old, the same age Cooper was when Clint took him for the first time.  It seemed like a perfect situation since he knew that Laura and Nathaniel would be safe in the Tower.  He also knew that Nat, Thor and Wanda would all spend so much time fawning over little Nate that Laura would have some time to relax.

When he discovered that Hope Van Dyne and Scott Lang would also be in town with Scott’s daughter, Cassie, Clint invited Scott and Cassie to come along.  Lila and Cassie had become close over the past few months and both girls were very excited with the idea of a father/daughter camping trip.   

* * *

The trip to the Adirondacks was long, but went by pretty quickly with Disney sing-a-longs and only a few brief stops for bathroom breaks and meals.  The girls were now collecting Peanuts characters from McDonald’s Happy Meals, and were both thrilled to get Snoopy when they stopped there for lunch.

Once they arrived and set up camp, the girls wandered off to explore the wooded area around their site.

“Don’t go too far,” Scott shouted after them.  “There could be raccoons, snakes, or even bears lurking around.  Maybe even Sasquatch.”

“What’s a Sasquatch, Daddy?”  Lila turned her trusting eyes toward Clint.

“It’s an animal that displays human qualities.  Sometimes referred to as Big Foot.”  Seeing Lila’s horrified look, he smiled.  “Don’t worry, sweetheart, they aren’t real.  Mr. Lang was kidding, weren’t you, Scott?”

“Yeah, of course I was.  Still. Don’t go far, just in case.”  

Clint shot Scott a disapproving look, but Cassie took Lila’s hand and pulled her along to explore the woods.  He was relieved when he heard them both giggling soon. Clint plopped down in one of the camp chairs.  “Man, if you give my little girl nightmares, you are gonna find out what it’s like to take an arrow to the knee.”

“Little kids have no fear.  I don’t think it matters what you tell them,” Scott shrugged.  “Besides, with everything we’ve seen and done, do you really find it that hard to believe that Sasquatch could exist?”

“Yes I do,” Clint grumbled as he began looking around the camp site.  They’d gotten a good one.  It was at the end of the loop, and back far enough from the road that they couldn’t see their neighbors.  Scott didn’t have a tent, but Clint’s was plenty big for all four of them and that left more room for the girls to run around.  “We need to get some firewood before it gets dark.  Otherwise, nobody’s getting dinner.”

They gathered wood for the fire and everything went well the first night.  After having hot dogs and beans cooked over the fire for dinner, they made S’mores for dessert.  The girls stayed up whispering and giggling late into the night until Lila curled up next to Clint and finally fell asleep.

* * *

They spent the next day hiking and playing in streams before finally heading back to the campsite to make stew for dinner.  Their first sign of trouble came when they found their tent open.  Scott and Clint had packed up everything valuable in the van before they left, but it was obvious that someone had gone through the things they left in the tent.

“Probably some teenagers from another site,” Clint suggested as he and Scott examined the contents of the tent.  

“They didn’t take Mrs. Otter, did they, Daddy?”  Lila stood holding Cassie’s hand and looking worriedly into the tent.

Clint rifled through their belongings and was relieved to find Lila’s favorite worn, but loved, stuffed otter lying inside her sleeping bag.  Lila was three years old when Clint brought Mrs. Otter back from a mission.  She had soft brown fur that had become matted over the years, and a pink ruffled skirt with a matching pink bow on her head.  Lila slept with her every single night.  “No sweetheart, Mrs. Otter is right here.”  He handed the stuffed otter to her and she hugged it tightly.

“None of our stuff appears to be missing,” Scott observed.

“None of ours either.’

They decided to go on with their evening, although both men were a little more on guard for anything unusual, and Clint got his bow and quiver out as a precaution.  As dinner cooked in a large cast iron pot over the fire, the girls played close by in the surrounding woods and Scott and Clint kept watch from chairs near the fire.  The sun was going down and it was such a clear night that they could already see stars shining in the sky.  

They were about to call the girls back for dinner when they heard a blood curdling scream from somewhere in the woods.  Clint was up quickly, bow in his hand and quiver thrown over his shoulder, as he ran into the woods looking for Cassie and Lila.  Scott was right behind him.

They found the girls right at the edge of their site.  Lila was sobbing loudly, and she ran to Clint and lifted her arms, burying her tear stained face in his shoulder when he picked her up.  Cassie was looking into the woods curiously.

“Are you okay, Lilabug?” Clint smoothed his little girl’s hair comfortingly.  “What happened?”

Lila didn’t seem able to speak, but Cassie, who was now in her own father’s arms, answered for her. “It was a raccoon.  I saw it before it ran away.  It stole Mrs. Otter and ran into the woods.”

“Did you actually see the raccoon take Mrs. Otter?”  Scott asked Cassie as they made their way back to the open campsite and sat down by the fire.

“I was trying to climb one of the trees.  Lila was sitting just a little bit away from me playing with her, and when I looked back, I saw the raccoon running off with it.  Then Lila screamed.”

“What kind of raccoon steals a stuffed animal?”  Scott gave Clint a questioning look.

Before Clint could answer, Lila lifted her little head and looked at her father.  “He said that he needed it.  It reminded him of someone.”  She sniffed loudly before resting her little forehead on his.  “He was a mean Sasquatch.  I need Mrs. Otter back, Daddy.”

Clint shot Scott an irritated look before turning his attention back to his teary-eyed little girl. “Sweetheart, remember that Daddy told you that Sasquatch wasn’t real?  Besides, they aren’t raccoons.  They are usually described as being similar to monkeys.”

“But Daddy, I talked to him!  He looked just like a raccoon, but he was wearing an orange suit!   He wanted to know if I’d seen a scary bunny rabbit, but he was very grumpy when I told him that I hadn’t.  Then he saw Mrs. Otter and got all weird and sad and he grabbed her and ran off.”  Seeing Clint’s disbelieving face, Lila made a little fist with her hand and stuck her pinky in the air.  “I pinky swear that I’m telling the truth, Daddy!”  She dissolved into loud sobs once again.

Scott and Clint both looked at Cassie.  “Did you see the raccoon talking, Cass?”  Scott asked doubtfully.

“Well, I heard it. It’s what made me look over at Lila. Right as I saw him, he took Mrs. Otter and ran.  He really was wearing an orange suit.”

Clint sat Lila gently on the ground.  “I’m going to go see if I can find your talking raccoon, sweetheart.  Will you stay with Mr. Lang and Cassie?”  When Lila gave him what he thought was supposed to be a brave nod, Clint stood up.  “First, I need to talk to Mr. Lang, okay?  Maybe you and Cassie could wait in the front of the van.”

Lila nodded again and she took Cassie’s hand when Scott stood up.  All four of them headed toward the vehicle.  The girls jumped in the front, locking the door behind themselves, while Clint and Scott went to the back, opening the rear door.

“I don’t know what is going on here, but I’m going out there to take a look around.  I’d say that they were making this up to prank us, but Lila looks genuinely scared.  Something made them think that they saw a talking raccoon, so I want to figure out what it was, and see if I can find Lila’s otter.  Will you stay with them here?  I’ll shout if I need you.  You might wanna suit up, just in case.”  As he talked, Clint opened a locked compartment under the mat revealing not only Scott’s suit, but a few weapons as well.  Clint grabbed a couple of knives and a gun, securing them to his belt.  He set his quiver firmly on his back and grabbed his bow.

“Yeah, whatever you want.  Just be careful,” Scott replied as he began crawling into his suit.

He had barely finished getting the suit on when there was a loud buzzing noise from the woods and the sound of arguing.  Clint had an arrow nocked in his bow quickly and Scott shrank down before hopping on Clint’s shoulder.  Clint waved for the girls to get down and ducked behind the van for cover.  

“Stay where you are, Blackjack.  I’d tell you that I don’t want to hurt you, but you know that’s a lie.”

The unmistakable sound of laughter broke through the darkness.  “Don’t be stupid, Rocket.  You know you can’t beat me.  How many times have you tried?”

“There’s a first time for everything, and I’m feeling pretty lucky right now,” the first voice responded angrily.

Clint and Scott peeked out from behind the car and were shocked to see what looked like an oversized rabbit wearing clothes and holding some sort of weapon.  It was pointed at a raccoon wearing an orange jumpsuit just like the girls described, who was holding an even bigger gun.

The rabbit actually sneered at the raccoon.  “Let’s put the blasters down and you can fight me like a………”

“Like what? Like a man, O’Hare?  Guess what.  That isn’t what we are.  You can tell Uncle Pyko that I am not interested in playing nice anymore.  I know that he sent Lylla away, and I will find her.”  Clint flinched at the sound of his daughter’s name.  “I also won’t let you hurt the humans here.”

“You are a bigger idiot than I’ve ever taken you for, Rocket.  They are humans.  Just because you run around space with a human doesn’t make these worth saving.  I’ve been through their tent, they don’t even have anything worth taking.”

Rocket the raccoon shrugged.  “Peter left earth when he was young.  I don’t know how human he really is.”

“You are too soft, Rocket.  Your attachment to your team members weakens you.  You don’t deserve Lylla, and I’ll make sure that you never see her again!”

Clint had enough. Nobody was coming after his daughter or anyone else.  Jumping out from behind the car, he pointed his bow between the two animals.  “No one is touching Lila.  I’ll kill the first one of you that tries.”

Rocket turned toward him, a look of shock on his face, and his weapon aimed at Clint.  That momentary lack of concentration gave the oversized rabbit the opportunity that he needed.  He fired his laser weapon Rocket, who managed to jump at just the right time to avoid getting hit, before turning it toward Clint.  Scott was already over there and he managed to become big and knock the laser gun out of the rabbit’s hand.  He had to shrink again quickly when the rabbit lunged at him, and the rabbit managed to hop away into the woods.

Clint kept his bow trained on Rocket.  “Who the hell are you, and what do you want with my daughter?”

“What are you talking about?  I don’t want your daughter.  I want to kill that bunny, but I’d settle for capturing him.”

“Aren’t you a little short to be a Sasquatch?”  Scott asked, as he popped back up to full size beside Clint, startling Rocket once again. “Will the killer bunny go away now, and how am I talking to a raccoon?”

Rocket lowered his weapon and Clint did the same.  “I’m not a raccoon like the raccoons you have around here.  I met a few of those in the woods.  Stupid little things.  I’m from space.  We both are. Blackjack crash landed here, and I followed him.”

“So you’re a talking raccoon from outer space?  I’m not actually sure that makes anything better,” Scott groaned.

“Yeah, and you are apparently a human in a strange suit that can disappear, and that guy over there thinks he’s Robin Hood.”  Seeing Clint’s face, he shrugged.  “Don’t look so surprised.  I travel with a human named Peter, and he loves to tell us stories.  I’m Rocket.  And you two are?”

“Scott.  I go by Ant-Man.  I don’t disappear, I just get very small.”

“I’m Clint, Hawkeye. We’re Avengers.”

“We’ve heard of the Avengers.  They brought down an army of Chitauri.”

“That’s us,” Scott responded.  “Well, him. I was in prison when that happened.”

Rocket actually chuckled at that.  “Now that, I can understand.  You should try prison in space.  It’s madness.”

“No thanks.  I think I’m done with prison for a while. I wasn’t a fan.”

“How about we deal with the madness at hand?  If anything happens to my little girl I am going to make everyone wish that I was in a space prison.”  Clint threw a glance behind him to make sure the girls were okay.  

“Well, I’m going to go find Blackjack.  You all can help me and get this over with quickly, or you can leave and I’ll try not to let anyone get killed.”  Rocket was playing into the one thing he knew would get them to help, the safety of innocent bystanders, but Clint didn’t care. He wanted both of them back where they belonged, and if that meant helping a talking raccoon, that was exactly what he was going to do.

“I’ll take the trees. Scott?  You keep an eye on the girls. If that bunny comes close to the car, we’re having a special kind of stew for dinner tomorrow.”

“Sure thing. Want me to call back to New York?”

“Naah, hopefully this will be over before they could get out here.”  Clint watched as Scott joined the girls in the car and Lila blew him a kiss.  He returned it before turning his attention back to Rocket.  “When this is over, you and I are going to have a serious talk about my little girl.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get this over with first. He’ll come after me.  When he does, I’ll lead him toward you.”  Without another word, Rocket turned and scampered into the woods, his gun drawn in front of him.

Clint found a large tree just outside of their campsite.  From here, he could keep the rabbit from going back toward Scott and the girls, at least in this direction.  He climbed as high as he needed to and balanced himself on a thick branch and waited.

* * *

It felt like he had been waiting forever, but Clint’s training allowed him to stay focused and alert for large periods of time.  As he peered out into the darkness of the woods looking for anything unusual, he considered the strangeness of this whole thing.  Sure, an alien army coming from a hole in outer space was one thing, but talking animals from space?  That was almost too much to be believed.

The rattling of trees to the left of him caught his attention, but not quite quickly enough. “Mother Fu………” he shouted, as a laser shot over his shoulder, barely missing him and causing him to tumble to the ground.  He was up on his feet quickly though, his bow pointing directly toward the area where it came from.  Another laser sound went off in the distance and the rabbit was illuminated just enough for Clint to let an arrow fly.  Blackjack O’Hare lurched forward as Clint nocked another arrow, and fell to the ground.

“Did you kill him?” Rocket came out from the woods and kicked at the rabbit lying motionless on the ground.  

“Naah, tranquilizer arrow.  He’ll be out for about 12 hours, though.  Enough time for you to get him out of here.  Clint bent down next to him and began tying up the rabbit’s paws.  Once he was done, he picked him up and looked back at Rocket.  “Where do you want him?  My daughter is traumatized enough.  She doesn’t need to see this”

Rocket motioned for Clint to follow, and they went a little way into the woods until they came up on a small spaceship.  After they secured O’Hare inside, Clint pulled out his phone.  “I am gonna need a few pictures or else the rest of the Avengers are never going to believe this.  

Rocket rolled his eyes as the flash of Clint’s phone went off a few times.  “Whatever. Can I go now?”

“No.  You need to tell me what you two wanted with my daughter, Lila, and you have something that belongs to her that you need to return.”

“Your little human is called Lila?”  Rocket looked at Clint sheepishly.  “That explains a lot.”  He went back inside the ship and returned with Mrs. Otter.  “I have a Lylla as well.  She’s my soulmate and true love.  This reminded me of her.”

“Wait.  You’re a raccoon and your girlfriend is an otter? You must come from one strange planet, man.”

“You have no idea. I’ll take it back to her.”  Rocket headed back through the woods toward the campsite.

“Daddy!”  Lila squealed when Scott let her out of the van. She jumped up in his arms and hugged him tightly.  “You found Mrs. Otter!”  She wriggled out of Clint’s arms and looked grumpily at Rocket as she held her hand out to him.

Rocket looked between Clint and Lila and frowned as he handed the stuffed animal to her and she hugged it tightly.  “I’m sorry, little human.  It’s just that she reminded me of someone that I love and lost.  I hope you’ll take good care of her.  Better than I did with my Lylla.”

Lila’s eye got very wide.  “My name is Lila, too! I hope you find your friend soon.  Do you want to stay and have dinner with us and play with Mrs. Otter for a little while?  Maybe it would make you feel better.” She held out her hand and Rocket looked at Clint for an agreement before taking it.

They spent the next few hours having stew and introducing Rocket to S’mores.  He told them stories about his experiences in space with the Guardians of the Galaxy and humored Lila and Cassie when they wanted him to play with them.  Soon it was time for him to leave.  After thanking Clint and Scott for helping with Blackjack and telling the girls goodbye, Rocket turned to return to his ship.  He was surprised when a little voice stopped him.

“Mr. Rocket?” He turned around to find Lila running up to him, holding out her stuffed animal.  “You should take Mrs. Otter.  I’m sorry that you lost your friend, but maybe this will make you feel better until you find her.”  Clint couldn’t help smiling at his big hearted little girl.

“I can’t take this from you, little Lila.  Your daddy says that she is your favorite.”  

“She is, and I love her very much, but if she would make you happy then you should take her with you.  You can come visit us and bring her back when you find your real Mrs. Otter.”  She forced the stuffed otter into his paws.

Rocket snuffled as he took it, but turned quickly and wiped at his eyes.  “Thank you.  I would love the opportunity to introduce my Lylla to you some time.  You humans are not so bad.”  

Lila smiled and buried herself against Clint’s leg as Rocket turned to leave.  “That was very sweet of you, Lilabug,” Clint whispered as he scooped her up and carried her back by the fire.  

“It’s okay, Daddy,” she sniffed.  “He needed her more than I did.  I can hug Mr. Dinosaur when we get home instead.  Auntie Nat would like that since she gave him to me.”

They all sat quietly in front of the fire until the flashing lights of Rocket’s ship could be seen in the distance.  Afterward, Clint and Scott shuffled the girls off to the tent and they were both asleep within minutes.  Paranoia and training wouldn’t allow Clint to sleep for very long, but the night was uneventful and the next morning they had breakfast and packed up for the trip home.

* * *

When they arrived back at the Tower, Clint and Scott followed the girls through the door to the common area and Lila ran straight to Laura, who was lounging on the couch with Hope and Pepper.  All three of them looked somewhat under the weather.

“Mommy!  We had the best time camping!  I can’t wait to do it again!  Camping with Daddy and Mr. Lang is the best!”  She threw herself on to Laura’s lap.

“Shhhhhhh……You don’t have to be so loud, sweetheart.  I’m right here,” Laura practically whispered as she hugged her daughter. Lila finally climbed off her lap and grabbed Cassie’s hand, suggesting they go play in the game room.

“You all okay?” Clint looked at the trio on the couch with concern after the girls left.  “Is there some kind of virus going around?”

“Natasha’s fault,” Hope managed to say.  She began talking in what Clint was pretty sure was supposed to be a parody of Natasha’s voice.  “Hey guys! How about a girl’s night while you are down a few kids?  Sam and Thor volunteered to watch Nate.  It’ll be fun.  Ugh!”

Clint and Scott looked at each other before turning to look at Natasha, who was sitting in a chair across from the couch grinning from ear to ear.  “In fairness to me, the Limo and cute new clothes were Pepper’s idea, and that certainly helped us get noticed.”

“Yeah, but you picked the night club, Nat, and I’m pretty sure that you paid that bartender to make our drinks stronger,” Pepper groaned.

“You also didn’t seem to mind that group of guys who were hitting on us and buying us drinks until one tried to pull Pepper into his lap,” Hope added.  “I thought we were going to have to fight our way out of that place drunk.”

“So you all are hung over?”  Scott could barely hide his laughter.

“Might still be drunk,” Wanda added, leaning up from the floor behind the couch where the guys hadn’t even noticed her.  She managed to make it to a sitting position, leaning against Laura’s leg, and Laura patted her on the head absentmindedly like she might with one of her own children.

Scott glanced back at Natasha.  “How come you seem fine, Nat?”  

“Me?  I’m Russian.  I have a high tolerance for alcohol.”

Clint knew that would be her answer, but he also knew the truth.  Taking Laura and the others out for a night on the town was one thing, but getting drunk and leaving them totally unprotected was something else completely. She’d never do that.   He gave Natasha an approving nod.

“So you suggested that we enter that dance contest while you were sober, Nat?”  Pepper shook her head incredulously.

“Well, you did win first place, Pepper.  You seemed pretty proud of your trophy, too.”  

“Yeah, it’s gonna look great on Page Six of the New York Times!”

“No it won’t, Pep. I just got off the phone with the editor.”  Tony came in with water bottles for all four women.  “It cost us a few Avengers one on one interviews, but they won’t print anything about that, or the late night dinner with that Genovianprince and his entourage.  By the way, I talked to him too.  You’ll all be happy to know that whatever happened, he understands that he and Wanda are not really engaged.  He said he had so much fun that he doesn’t even want the necklace back.  Oh, and he’s sending pears.  Why is he sending pears?”

Clint looked between Wanda, who was grinning from ear to ear, and Tony.  “What the actual hell?”

“He was very nice,” Wanda replied dreamily, touching the expensive looking necklace at her throat.

“Nice?  You’ve got to be kidding!  Where can I find this little…….”

“Oh right, and I took care of the tattoo parlor too,” Tony interrupted before Clint could go into full protective mode.

“What?!”  Clint and Scott said in unison as they both looked at the occupants of the couch with shock.  

“Honey, can we talk about that later?  Nate’s asleep downstairs and I’m going to go shower before he wakes up.”  

“Sure, babe, whatever you want.  We are gonna talk about this, though,” he chuckled as she stood up and made her way over to him, stopping to wrap her arms around his waist.  

“Oh, we got an e-mail from Cooper.  I left it up on the laptop for you to see.  There were a lot of pictures of him and a little blonde girl on the camp photo site yesterday, and he mentioned her in the e-mail too.  Her name is Sara, and apparently they met at the archery range.  I guess he took your advice after all.”  

“That’s my boy,” Clint whispered under his breath.

“Think what you want, but it wasn’t your archery skills that got my attention, Clint.  They were impressive, but you had me before I even saw you shoot.  It was the way your ass looked in that tight outfit you were wearing.”  She leaned up and kissed a spot right below his ear that she knew he loved.  “You could come help me with that shower if you wanted.  Maybe even look for a tattoo that may or may not be there,” she turned and headed for the open elevator.

Clint stared at his grinning wife in disbelief as the doors closed in front of her.  Turning toward Natasha, she just nodded to him, acknowledging that she’d keep an eye on Lila for a little while.

“Now, you two want to tell us about this little camping adventure?”   Tony was watching the scene in front of him with amusement.

“Do we have to?” Scott groaned.

“Oh I think you do.”

“I’m gonna let Scott tell you.  I….uhh…..I have a few things I need to…….errr…..do.  Bye!”  Clint turned and walked quickly toward the stairs, not wanting to bother waiting for the elevator to return.

“Well, that was entirely more information than any of us needed,” Tony chuckled.  “So what happened, Lang?”

“Well, it all started when Lila claimed she met a Sasquatch, which turned out to be a talking raccoon from outer space………”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rocket’s part in the story is based loosely on the comics that he is in before he meets the Hulk and ultimately becomes a Guardian of the Galaxy. His true love really was an otter named Lylla. Yes, there are two spellings used in the story to differentiate between Rocket’s Lylla and Clint’s Lila.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Strange to write something that doesn't involve Superheroes as little kids. Thanks for reading!


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